moon spoon june

With rose-colored glasses firmly in place and all the delight of teenage first love still so very new, I was drawn like a magnet to the cross-stitch kit in the Craft shop. The minute I laid eyes on the design I knew I had to stitch it, although I'd never attempted anything other than knitting in my 16 years of life.

Twenty-four years later this same Sampler hangs in our bathroom, having been demoted from the front door by the magnificent lighthouse picture that now holds that place of honor. Still, each time I see this first work of mine, I remember those golden days of first love.

Those words ring as true to me today as they did all those years ago, yet something has changed and that something is my definition of what it means to love.

I've always considered it a blessing that my first romantic love ended up being the man that I married. The fact that Steve wanted me in his life was something that I was never quite able to comprehend. For so long I'd felt ugly and unlovable that it was very hard to understand that there was someone who saw something in me that made his heart beat faster.

To be honest, Steve's heart was beating faster a lot of the time before he actually asked me out. He lived two suburbs away but would make a long run from his house to mine; jogging up two steep hills, in the hope that one day I just may come outside as he went past.

The night he finally mustered the courage to telephone (which really was far less exhausting than running up hills) was a milestone in both our lives. Although my shyness and nervousness just before our first date nearly crippled the relationship before it started, some how we survived. The rest is history.

I still remember the first time Steve told me he loved me. We'd been going out together for two months and were spending the day at his Uncle's farm. As the afternoon shadows lengthened and everything turned a mellow gold, we wandered up to an old building and stopped to enjoy the sunset. That was when he whispered those words that seemed to seal our relationship forever, "You know, I love you."

The fact that the old building was a slaughterhouse didn't spoil the moment for me in any way. All that really stands out is the feeling of being bathed in the last rays of golden sunlight and the warmth of being loved.

Love? In one sense it was, but a very pale shadow of what we have today. I won't speak for Steve, but I would have to be honest and say it was more likely that I was in love with love. The romance and joy of having someone who cared about me. Someone who made me feel good and more confident about who I was. I loved being loved.

When we married five years later, the rose-colored glasses had long been discarded. In that time we'd seen one another without the golden sunsets and string quartets. Buying land, building a home and organizing a wedding tend to strip all those things away. As we grew more comfortable and certain of our long-term relationship, some of the cotton wool came off and we allowed our real selves to come out. Unfortunately, that often meant revealing the truth of who we were at our very worst moments.

So we entered marriage with our eyes wide open, but the adjustment from sensational singles to dynamic duo wasn't always easy. We did love each other, but some of our "battles" in those early days will remain etched in our memories forever. The Bitter Butter Battle and The Great Lemon Throwing War of '83 (which included the Venetian Blind denting skirmish) are the two that rank highest.

Our love was never in question and we knew we were committed totally to each other. Yet there were times I imagine we both did stop and wonder about this thing called love.

The reality is that when we did ask the Lord to show us what love was, He was more than happy to open our eyes and hearts to the truth.

Love! It makes the world go around. It makes strong men weak and weak women strong. It brings out the best and the worst of human nature.

We love our partners; we love our children; we love our friends; we love our jobs; we love our car; we love our dog; we love our home; and maybe, just maybe, we might love our God as well.

Is it really possible to equate my love of cross-stitch with the love I have for my husband? Could I possibly say I love pizza and I love my children and mean the same thing? Obviously not, and that's where the English language once again lets us down.

Where the Greek language at the time of Christ used three distinct words to define this emotion of the heart - eros, phileo and agape - we try to cram it into just one seemingly simple word - love. Then we wonder why our relationships sometimes seem to be lacking.

Phileo says, "I love you because you're my friend and I enjoy our relationship. I feel good when I'm with you."

Agape says, "I will love you forever, in spite of how I may be feeling. I would lay down my life for you and live to serve you."

The Bible is overflowing with references to love and one thing was so clear as I read through each Scripture. Agape is God's love! It's 1 Corinthians 13 in action. It's absolutely perfect.

The difference of these words is never more obvious than in this one passage of Scripture. While eating with His disciples, the risen Lord asks Peter three questions:

"Simon son of John, do you truly love (agape) me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love (phileo) you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love (agape) me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love (phileo) you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love (phileo) me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love (phileo) you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep."

As we realize what Jesus was asking and how Peter was responding, we can see that they weren't speaking the same "language". Yet, just a short time later, after the day of Pentecost with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, Peter changed from the deep affection he'd had for His Lord, to the selfless, sacrificial, all consuming love of agape.

Jesus asks us the same question today. Do we really agape-love Him? Do we really agape-love our family? Do we really agape-love our brothers and sisters in Christ? Do we really agape-love those who are yet to come into God's family?

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Each time the word "love" is mentioned in that verse, substitute agape. Selfless, sacrificial and unconditional. I don't know about you, but I know for a fact that I often fall way short of the mark. Yet, this is the love that's a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22. In fact, it's a love that's only possible to this extent when empowered by the Holy Spirit and surrendered to God. In our own strength we just can't do it.

For Steve and me, the change in our marriage came when we made a decision to really love one another. To honor one another and put each other's needs before our own. We don't always make it to the pinnacle, but every year that goes by we come a little closer to reflecting the pure golden sunshine of God's perfect love.