A Woman's Road to Motherhood - Part 2
Watching Him Grow
Copyright 2001 by Meredith Agius
I felt that I was in heaven as soon as I got my son home. He was such a delight, and took to breastfeeding very easily. He grew and developed exactly the way he was “supposed” to, and slept soundly on his back or side. He just charmed everybody in our family with his friendly smile and ready giggle when they both appeared.
He went readily with us everywhere, and both my husband and I were pleased to share our bliss with others. I was off work for 6 months, and once a week, I would go in for an entire day to visit with my mom who had just undergone serious back surgery a month before Crawford was born. We both were consistently mesmerized by this little person.
We had found wonderful daycare that a friend had recommended to us, and so, one week before I went back to work, we started him up to make sure that the transition was smooth. Well, he took to it like a fish to water. So, I started back to work seemingly without qualms.
Work settled in nicely as I had started a new job, and I was able to work through lunch so that I could get up to pick my son up, then pick my husband up. I had a ritual that I would follow when I left work. I would pick up his picture, give it a kiss and tell him that I was on my way to get him.
Three weeks into being back at work, I left as usual to pick him up. When I got to the subway station where I would get the car form, my husband was there to greet me. He informed me that Crawford had been found not breathing after a nap, even though he had been checked on 15 minutes earlier, and that he was rushed to the hospital.
So, off we went as quickly as we could through the rush hour. We were met by the doctor, who in turn introduced us to the chaplain. At that point we knew that we were in for bad news, but I kept hope and prayers that he was revived, and that they were simply worried about brain damage. Well, we were completely devastated with the news that our little precious gift had been taken into heaven.
I began to question why God would have done this to us, after all that we had done to conceive him. It seemed so improbable. A couple of days later, the autopsy revealed that he had passed on from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. This puzzled us, as we had done everything that we were supposed to keep this from happening.
As we prepared for the funeral and sought to find meaning for ourselves and other in this tragedy, we found strength that this was a part of a larger plan that God had for us, but we were unsure of what that was. It took us a couple of months to find it.
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