Harry Banner was happily hunkered down in his favorite chair when his wife appeared at the living room archway. "Harry, come here quick. You gotta see this."
Mr. Banner reluctantly put down the latest news from the Middle East and struggled to his feet with all the skill of a 200-year-old man trying to emerge from a sub-compact car. He was only 35, but found this dramatic performance nicely underscored his displeasure at being disturbed when trying to relax. Usually he replied with, "I'll be there in a minute," then have to be reminded again a short time later. This time, however, there was an urgency in his wife's voice that could not be ignored. Either the cat had had her kittens or the bathroom ceiling had collapsed.
Julia Banner led her husband down the hallway to their son's bedroom. She stopped. "Look in there," she said.
"Oh, oh," Mr. Banner thought to himself. "What's the kid done now?" He peeked into the room. The spectacle that greeted him made him grin from ear to ear. "As I live and breathe," he said. "It's the Incredible Shrinking Man."
"Hi, Daddy, "six-year-old Henry said brightly. "How do I look?"
"Fine," his father answered, "except that everything is about ten sizes too large." Then he frowned. "Isn't that my brand new pair of Sunday-go-to-meetin' pants?"
Little Henry had donned his father's white shirt, pants, and shoes. His grandfather's old Fedora was perched on his head. He looked lost in a mound of ill-fitting fabric. A gray tie hung loosely around his neck. "Well," asked his father, "aren't you going to tie your tie?"
"Don't know how," Henry replied.
Mr. Banner smiled. "Of course, you don't." He walked over to his small son and kneeled down in front of him. Then he took the ends of the tie in his hands. He hesitated. "Come to think of it, I don't think I can tie it from this side either. I've always tied my own."
"Yes, and I taught you how to do it," his wife said as she knelt beside her husband and took the tie ends away from him. A few agile twirls of the ends, a loop and a pull, and that was it. Mrs. Banner leaned back to admire her handiwork. "There. Just like I taught your Daddy to do. Now, go and admire yourself in the mirror."
Henry started to walk across the carpet, got tangled up in his long pants, and tumbled over. His mother rushed over and pulled up his pant legs. Henry struggled to his feet and moved to the full-length mirror. He stood in front of glass, inspecting his ensemble.
"Well, Henry," his father asked. "What do you think?"
Henry thought for a moment. Then he answered, "Everything is too big."
"And why do you think that is?"
Henry considered the question. "Because I'm not grown up yet?"
His father smiled. "Bingo! You win the $64 Question. Now tell me, why in thunderation are you in such an all-fired hurry to become an adult?"
"My Sunday School teacher. Last Sunday she was reading us the Bible and she said that Paul said that we should put away childish things."
"Yes. First Corinthians, thirteen-eleven. I'm familiar with the verse. My father quoted it to me often after I graduated from high school. But I don't think Paul had this kind of thing in mind when he wrote that. I'm sure that he would have wanted you to be a kid as long as you could. You have plenty of time to be an adult."
"But," Henry protested, "I want to put on a suit and go to work every day."
"On the contrary, Henry. You do go to work -- every day."
Henry's eyebrows furrowed into a frown. "I don't have a job, Daddy."
"What your Daddy means," his mother chimed in, "is that play and school is your 'work'."
"But play is fun, not real work."
"Oh, yeah?" his father sighed. "If I played tag as hard as you did for just half an hour, they'd have to carry me home in a bucket." Then his face took on the "I'm about to give you a lecture" look. "Listen to me, son. Right now you're learning. School teaches you things you'll need to know as an adult. Play also teaches you adult stuff -- like getting along with others and teamwork. The activity that would kill me, on the other hand, builds your growing body. One day you'll have to go out and get a nine-to-five job, but not just now."
"But..."
Henry's father walked over to his son a knelt down beside him. "Listen, Henry, I'll make you a deal. If you continue being a kid for the time being, then I'll teach you some adult things from time to time -- like how to tie a tie."
"Promise?"
Mr. Banner lifted his right hand. "On my honor."
"Then can we start tomorrow morning?"
Henry's father stood up. "Now hold on! I said 'from time to time'."
Mr. Banner gave his wife a look of desperation. She only smiled and shrugged. "Don't look at me, Mr. Promise Man," she giggled. "This is strictly your deal."
Henry's father returned his attention to his son. "All right, Henry," he said in resignation. "What is it that you want me to teach you in the morning."
Henry's face lit up. "Oh, boy. Thanks, Daddy! I want to learn how to shave!"
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Copyright 2001 by Ed Price