What Really Makes a Marriage Last?

Copyright © 2002-2003 by Wayne and Michelle Jones.  All rights reserved.

 

February 2002

Dear Michelle, 

Did you ever wonder why, when well over 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and when just about everyone we know has been through at least one divorce, our marriage has endured for 16 years?

The good Lord knows they have not all been easy years. Through several job losses, many relocations, numerous health and money problems, and the birth of 4 children, it would have been easy for us to have turned on one another.

But, for some reason, we have not only made it but we have grown closer and stronger as a couple through all these trials. Of course our marriage has been blessed by God and we have always sought His will in our lives, but there are plenty of Christian marriages that don't make it. What makes us different? I think after 16 years I've finally figured it out.

It's the very simple fact that I married the right woman. And I don't mean that in some detached philosophical way. I mean you, Michelle, are everything I need or want. 

I simply can not fathom an existence without you as my wife. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't scratch my head and marvel that you are not only still with me but that you still want to be with me. 

You are the best person I have ever known. That's quite a statement, so let me explain what I mean. You are one of the very few people in this world who actually care how other people feel and what they have to say. 

You accept people based on what's in their heart without any regard to superficial things like appearance or wealth. You care so much about the people around you that you often cause yourself pain worrying about things that most of just brush off without a second thought. 

Of all the people I have known, you are the only one I can say the following about. If there is anyone who has a problem with you then it is of their own making. If someone will show you the slightest warmth then what they get in return is everything you have. That is what I mean when I say you are the best person I have ever known. 

Now, on a more personal note. I know I have not been the easiest person in the world to live with. I can be grouchy at times and I'm not the most emotionally open person. I have my moments of childish behavior and I don't always get right to all the jobs that need to be done around the house. And physically I am not nearly the man you married. 

My career has required us to relocate numerous times (even twice while you were pregnant). Though things are much better now, I have not always been the best provider for our family. 

I know for a fact that there are very few, if any, other women who would have stayed by my side though all of this. But there you are. Always there. Always supportive. Always forgiving. Always accepting. Always ready to face the next challenge. Always loving. 

I don't know what I would do without you.

So, back to the question I asked at the beginning of this letter. Why has our marriage thrived for 16 years? The answer is simple.......It's you.

I Love you,

Wayne

Dear Wayne, 

Wow, how do I follow that beautiful letter? Thank you sweetheart!  Your letter makes me feel like a princess, who's dearly loved and cherished by her prince!  

I remember when we were engaged to be married, I had absolutely no doubt that you were the right man for me, I couldn't wait to be your wife and spend the rest of our lives together as one.  I believed that we'd be a great team, with the Lord as our guide.  A house that couldn't be broken.

I remember my dad asking me what it was that I liked about you the most, and I said in an instant "that he loves me so much."  It's really nice that you still do, after all this time.

Our life has certainly been no fairy tale, you're right about that.  We've been through some very rough times.  But the Lord is always good to us.  

I guess we've even gotten so used to things being crazy and hectic, even when we hear we may be moving again this summer or that one of us will be having another surgery, we just kind of say, "Okay, let's pull together and do whatever we have to do."  God is our strength.  And you are mine.

Even in the very beginning, when we were courting, one of the things I loved about you the most was how emotionally strong you were, while I was living on somewhat of an emotional roller-coaster, wearing my heart on my sleeve 24/7.  I wanted to be more like you.

Although being a steady rock doesn't always help when it comes to my emotional matters of the heart, when it comes to getting through the tough times of life, I can always count on you to stand firm. I love your strength, and thank God for it often.

Over the years, I've wondered if God allows all these difficulties to happen in our life for that very reason, so that we will cling to each other and become even stronger.  I'm still not convinced He doesn't.

I know God's spirit has strengthened me and made me more emotionally steady, and used you as my guiding example, hopefully making me a better wife and mother to our four children.

It's a tough question honey, you're right.  Why have we made it this long?  Others suffer family hardships too, some marriages make it and some don't, Christian marriages included.  For all the people we know who've gotten divorced, we can safely say nothing in this earthly world is a sure thing. 

Although I would love to take the credit for our marriage being such a success, I think you deserve more than I.  I remember many years ago, early in our marriage, when things were getting really tough and we weren't getting along very well.  I just felt I couldn't keep going.

In a rush of intense emotions I told you I was leaving, like many couples probably do every day, but just as intensely you refused to let me go.  While that may not work for some people, it worked for me.  I think it may have even happened a couple of times during those first few years.  But eventually I realized we'd might as well get through the tough times and work things out because you were determined to love me no matter what.  

That kind of love and commitment is worth more than anything else this world has to offer.  I am truly blessed to be your wife, no matter what difficulties we have faced or will in the future.

There's been a few other times over the years when I felt like I wanted to just leave and find a 'better' life, and I'm sure you have too, though I know you wouldn't admit it.  But being a child of divorce, I know that whatever troubles a marriage may be going through, divorce will almost always bring bigger troubles and worse pain, some lasting forever.  

Whenever I had those occasional feelings of giving up, all I could do is pray, and it worked every time.  It was no lengthy detailed request, I just asked God to help me love you the way I should.  Sometimes the difficult feelings I had would leave me within an instant, sometimes it took a few hours.  But whatever the problem was, whenever I called on Him to help us, He healed my heart and saved our marriage.

So, I guess the credit for our successful marriage doesn't go to either one of us afterall, as wonderful as we may be ;o) ...  He's the Secret to a Successful Marriage!

Love you with all my heart,

Michelle

 

 

February 14, 2002 (revised 2003).  

We've been married since December 21st, 1985... going on 18 years.

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